Melissa in MiddleEarth
by Quickbeam29
Summary: An ordinary girl finds herself magically transported to MiddleEarth, where things are not what she expected...


Melissa was an ordinary girl who loved Lord of the Rings a lot. She had read the books so many times that she had managed to teach herself Elvish. She had watched the movies dozens of times and thought that Legolas was awesome.

Melissa was tall and slim and beautiful, with blue eyes, raven black hair, and even white teeth.

One day she was sitting at home reading her Fellowship of the Ring book and fantasizing about how great it would be to be going along with the Fellowship on their quest. Then suddenly, from the pages before her, came a Harry-Potter-like flash of light. When she opened her eyes again, she could feel the air rushing around her. She was falling towards the ground! Twisting in mid-air, Melissa stared downward. The ground was fifty feet away and closing fast. Beneath her she could see nine figures and a pony walking along. She opened her mouth and screamed. Half a second later she felt a blinding flash of pain in her chest, and then she crashed into the ground.

"Nice shot, Legolas," Pippin said. The rest of the Fellowship stared at the curious girl who had just fallen from the sky and landed in their midst, an Elven-arrow protruding from the top of the cleavage. Blood was spurting out.

"Who the hell is that?" Boromir said.

"Nothing but a girl," Gimli noted, hefting his axe. "No need to shoot her."

"She sounded like a Nazgûl to me," Legolas said, unstringing his bow and putting it back on his back. "Falling out the sky straight at us. What was I supposed to do?"

Gasping with pain, Melissa raised her head. Her vision swam. Dimly she saw the Fellowship standing before her. But that was impossible - she should be back home in Boston! Then her vision cleared, and she saw the gorgeous and very trim form of Legolas staring down at her, eyebrows furrowed.

"She's going to die in a few minutes," Aragorn remarked.

"You could save her," Gandalf pointed out. "You have some athelas left, don't you?"

"A bit, but I was planning on saving it in case something happened to Frodo…"

Melissa coughed and splattered some blood across the front of her dress, which had magically transformed into the dress of an Elven princess.

"He'll be fine," Gandalf said, lighting his pipe. "Get cracking."

Aragorn sighed and pulled his pack off. "Very well." He pulled out a small pouch of athelas and knelt next to the fallen girl. Gently he moved her dress down to get a better view of the wound. Merry made an off-color joke and all the Hobbits fell down in laughter.

"Legolas, take the arrow out," Aragorn said, reading a cloth with some athelas inside.

Legolas reached down, grasped the arrow-shaft, and wrenched it out, tearing out a good piece of flesh as he did so. Melissa screamed in agony. Legolas sat down on a nearby rock and began polishing the arrow, paying no attention as Aragorn staunched the gushing blood and tied the bandage on.

Melissa had lapsed into unconsciousness. The Fellowship drew away to hold a council.

"What should we do with her?" Gandalf muttered, puffing contentedly on his pipe.

"Leave her," Boromir offered. "She may be a spy of the enemy!"

"Leave her!" Legolas protested. "We can't do that! What if she isn't a spy?"

"We can't take that chance," Aragorn said.

"I know," Legolas said. "We can't take her with us. If she's a spy we need to kill her, and if she isn't a spy - well, she'll starve to death out here. We should kill her."

"We could have just _not wasted the last of my athelas!_" Aragorn shouted.

"Well, who's going to kill her?" Boromir asked. "Not me."

"We could heave her off that cliff," Gimli suggested.

"Cliffs are notoriously bad things to trust to kill people," Aragorn said. "Trust me on this."

"Let the Ring-bearer decide," Gandalf intoned.

Frodo thought things over. "We'll take her with us for now," he said. "With any luck we'll meet up with some Elf scouting parties and we can send her back to Imladris. Or, if we're unfortunate enough to meet up with Wargs, we can use her as bait while we escape."

This sensible plan was agreed to by all, and then the decision when to how to transport her.

"Bill could take a bit more couldn't you, lad?" Sam asked.

Bill nickered.

"Bill says yes," Sam said.

Bill nickered again, loudly, and kicked Sam in the side.

They tied the limp form of Melissa onto Bill's back and set off for Moria. By the time they arrived the athelas had gone into effect and Melissa was walking alongside Legolas, trying to seduce him. Her efforts were failing miserably.

The arrived at the Doors of Moria. Had Melissa been thinking more clearly, she would have muttered _mellon_ quietly and thus, they could have escaped the Watcher in the Water. But Legolas had all her attention. So she stayed by his side, whispering sweet nothings into his ear while he tried to ignore her.

Finally the riddle was solved and the doors opened. The Fellowship strode inside. But just as they were clearing the doors both Melissa and Frodo felt a tentacle wrap around their leg. They were wrenched back, screaming, swung high in the air.

Legolas drew his bow, and quickly fired two shots into the tentacle that held Frodo. Boromir waded into the water and chopped the tentacle in half. Frodo fell through the air and landed in Aragorn's arms.

"Into the Mines!" Gandalf shouted. The Fellowship ran back into the mines and wheeled.

Melissa dangled, screaming with all the power in her lungs.

"What about Melissa?" Gimli shouted.

Legolas notched an arrow to the string and fired, scoring a direct hit, but it was too late. The massive jaws opened wide, revealing rows of teeth the size of chisels. With one final scream Melissa was dropped inside. The teeth swung closed and crunched with a horrific cracking of bones. The Fellowship watched in fascination as the mouth chewed quickly and swallowed. Then the Watcher reached out, grasped the doors, and slammed them closed. The Fellowship was plunged into darkness.

Frodo was visibly shaken. "Poor Melissa," he said.

"Poor Melissa?" Sam wailed. "Poor Bill!"

"Hey," Legolas said, irritated. "Bill didn't do anything except bugger off like a coward. Melissa sacrificed herself to save us. Unwillingly, true, but there it is. We should honor her memory."

The Fellowship gathered in a circle, held hands, and sang two rounds of "For She's a Jolly Good Fellow" and then gathered their belongings, preparing for the long road through Moria.

By the next rest they had forgotten all about her.


End file.
